...something with witch hazel...

 ...something with witch hazel...




    Like most men, particularly men who drink there is a design flaw I used to call a defective rear-main-seal. There is tell-tale leakage as any spouse knows who does laundry and the dreaded pruritus ani aka itchy-butthole. The problem can be maddening and I speak from long years of experience on the matter. Scientists, mainly male scientists have for centuries searched for a remedy that might work to stem the onslaught of maddening itchiness that cannot be scratched in polite company. Greg and I  used to laugh heartily at the Preparation H commercial with the man shouting in frustration "THIS ITCHING IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!" I would assume when Adam left eden and ate his first mouthful of solid food he was met with an itch in the lower quadrant. Drinking and smoking exacerbate this problem and since both myself and my good buddy Greg did both we suffered and searched for a remedy that would give us relief. At times we despaired in creams and potions but kept experienting with treatments in hope of a final solution so to speak. Greg even attempted to time his bouts with the problem so he could literally take a shower when necessary and be spic and span free from itch that is until an electric fart might undo all of  his cleansing. Enter a good man and coworker named Dave Michaels who Greg nicknamed "Grizzly Adams" or "Griz because his ful beard and hair gave him the appearance of the television actor Dan Haggerty. Griz knew all about the dreaded condition and had his opinions on possible relief. They ranged from cold water compresses (used by the great Dan Dworsky) to what cousin Kevin called the "man-pon" that was a type of medicated insert. Greg and Griz were on a business trip and far from their medicine chests and comforts of La Canada and La Crescenta. They had enjoyed a full dinner with lots of drinks when they prepared to return to their hotel rooms. Grizzly approached Greg in their shared hallway and thrust his hand toward Greg to hand him a tube of something and whispered "it's something with witch hazel in it." Witch Hazel is ironically from a shrub that grows mostly in the Northeast and is known for its ability to calm itching and reduce inflammation. Greg gladly accepted the gift and always spoke of that moment as a gesture of healing and mercy.






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