There's a pig in the bathroom!!!

 There's a pig in the bathroom!!!




     Let's take a trip up the 101 to Paso Robles and Uncle Hank's farm where many a memorable family yarn unfolded. The time span for me ranges from 1955 to the time Katya and I wandered the remnants in 1993. To this day I have the farm house porch light shining above my front door.  Uncle Hank or "Henry" as Aunt Lucille called him met her while working at a nice restaurant called Paulais located on Broadway near 7th. Henry Schauf was a Wisconsin Catholic and joined the LA Fire Department later, working hard until he had enough grubstake to buy this farm in Paso Robles where the heat was fierce and the growing slow. Aunt Lucille found work in "the city" at a bakery and "the farm" was a place we might visit so my Dad could visit his only sister. Despite the antiquated attitudes of the patriarch, there was a magic to having these many acres to wander and animals to hang around with during the Summer days we spent up in "Paso." There were milk cows, pigs, a bull, a horse and a chinchilla hutch where Uncle Hank felt he was going to cash in big time. In truth, the farm struggled but Hank and Lucille were not true city folk and did not want to return to being hotel clerks or chauffeurs as they had to do in LA. As luck would have it the state decided to run highway 101 right over part of their acreage and the payment for the land saved the farmstead. Somehow they raised  two of their kids in that remote outpost and came to fit right into the rural lifestyle. One big problem of the 101 however was that the road stood at the edge of the farm with cars and trucks roaring and rumbling by a quarter mile away constantly. On any farm there would be barn cats and pet dogs who wandered about without a care and so it was on this farm. A curious dachsund named Bourbon wandered out too close to the road and lost a leg but gained a status as spoiled indoor pet after the accident. Because there was such sympathy for the injured pup he was overfed and became obese which in a weiner dog is obvious. Bourbon with this short legs and corpulent mid-section waddled about grabbing snacks and treats from all quarters. So it was the mid-1960's and Stephen was passing by on the 101 with his newlywed wife Barbara when he decided it would be great fun to stop in and get some laughs by bantering with the ultra-conservative Uncle Hank. They arrived late and the farm folk were already abed but Stephen and Barbara were offered a spot to snooze. Barbara asked for the bathroom and was directed to the only one in the house where she encountered the sleepy Bourbon who waddled in to see what the disturbance was all about. Barbara rushed out to Stephen and shouted "There is a pig in the bathroom!" Knowing the conditions in the farmhouse along with Aunt Lucille's good housekeeping he scoffed and discovered poor chubby Bourbon chewing on a flea  near the commode. The story garnered many a laugh from family but Aunt Lucille was outraged the following morning saying "does she think we keep pigs in the house?!" Her renowned nostrils were flared in outrge.




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