The straight line

 Warning this post contains reference to bodily functions

The Straight Line




     Greg was always fascinated with the complexities of the human body or machine as he called it frequently. He was rarely ill which is surprising since his health habits were not as recommended. Yet, as a close friend it was so great to share everything about our own bodies. With Greg you could discuss your mucus filled sinuses, an unsightly rash, head scabs, abscesses, urinary tract infections and yes, bowel movements. It might seem disgusting but sometimes examining your output is important to good health and we strove for a type 4 on the Bristol Stool chart. Also, as an architect he had a practical knowledge of bathrooms and the need for easy access of toilets. In his library he had a delightful book on the history of the toilet and it may have been there that he read of proper boom posture. The Japanese are the masters of this indoor plumbing  and the book was filled with very nice illustrations. There is even a museum to  "Toilet culture" in Tokyo.  To be absolutely frank the man did not believe in the extreme folding up that modern pedastal toilets demand. It is fascinating that the disposal of human waste through man-made plumbing reaches all the way back to Sumer in 3500 BC and has been perfected through the ages. It is written that the first flush toilet was made for Queen Elizabeth I. An actual flush toilet for the public came along in 1829 but Thomas Crapper, sometimes thought to be the father of modern toilets only invented the ball-cock and not the apparatus to flush away matter.  I may be exposing a deep family secret but little Greg was  renowned for storing up and producing prodigious turds when he was but a toddler. He also laughed at a confession made to him by the aforementioned Grizzly Adams that they kept a butter knife near the john because of their extraordinary output. In one of our intimate discussions of our own elimination he confessed he had disdain for sitting on a toilet seat and instead assumed a precise squat to maintain a healthy straight line. Included here is the opinion in the gentleman's own words.




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