You Could Have Brought Me a Whisk Broom

 You Could Have Brought Me a Whisk Broom




     Let us return to the tales of the Patriarch of the Smith family, the dry-witted Dale F. who ruled his family pad on Carson road in star-studded Beverly Hills, California. How had a lad from South Dakota came to such glorious circumstances is for another tale but this one entails the most basic of human needs. The problem with the Carson road pad at that time was that it was just two bedrooms and one bathroom for the six Smiths residing there. Bathroom time had to be planned out and in this instance Dad had to "see a man about a dog" in that one bathroom. At that time he noticed a lack of toilet paper and cast his eyes on the empty spool left by a careless child no doubt. So this beloved father called out to his children to solve this dilemna and just bring him a roll of what is known as proper hygeine in civilized lands. Young Kevin answered the call to his Pop in need, assuring him he would take the errand seriously. However, being a kid Kevin got distracted and after a great while he remembered and grabbed a roll to deliver. When he arrived at the bathroom door he apologized and handed over the needed tp. Dale looked at his dawdling son and said "if you'd have waited five more minutes you could have brought me a whisk broom!" Kevin says the image he took from the statement was of an umpire dusting off the old man's bum like it was home plate. I say the man was a wit, even when he was taking a shit.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Paul Knowlton's White Lotus

Image
 Paul Knowlton's White Lotus \      It is ironic that this post is titled something that means nothing to the protagonist. Paul, Zeke, "the Prince," "Senor Suerte" or the Snail (I never called him that.) My old pal just created a memorable vacation on the island of Oahu where the mean old world was a far off nightmare and the closest thing to stress was choosing which kind of massage you would request. Paul was the second friend in my life and we grew up about a block away from each other. We were Catholic boys and loved sports that created a bond lasting seventy years. This connection continued from grammar school to High School, to Community College to University. We were roomates from 1968 to 1972 and our families had a solid respect for one another. Paul grew up in a family of nine kids at a tract house in South Gate when the common man lived the American dream. Then again with 11 mouths to feed the American dream can only stretch so far. It is a cliche but ...
Read more

alright mother

Image
  alright mother- “You can find poetry in your everyday life, your memory, in what people say on the bus, in the news, or just what’s in your heart.” —Carol Ann Duffy  Greg was always delighted by a story told by his mother in law about a "sortie" dinner party attended by a Doctor "Putty" Putnam who had been forced to attend an opera by his wife. When asked by a clueless guest if he enjoyed the opera, his response was  "fuck you!" When I was visiting Bear Cove and sitting next to the matriarch Greg goaded her into telling the tale. But a rum n' coke had loosened "Minnie's" tongue and when she got to Putty's answer she blurted a rather hard FUCK YOU!  Roy, hearing his bride curse thusly said across the table "Alright mother!"
Read more

Athletic Club Flower shop

Image
  Athletic Club Flower shop      This phrase is actually the telephone greeting at Greg's uncle Johnny Tassano's flower shop at 808 W. 8th street near Flower street in downtown L.A. Greg loved the place and culled many a story and line from his experiences at a place he worked and visited fondly. Even when he wasn't employed he drove around with cousin Kent (Kevin Smith) and they had a ball observing the absurdities of modern living in the Southland. The phone was answered by different employees and each had a unique turn of "Athletic Club...flowershopppp" There was owner John Tassano, right-hand man Ronald P. Lord, "Speed," a delivery man, and Carmen who cut flowers and told odd anecdotes such as the origin of pizza. I believe Greg and Kevin could go on for weeks about the people they met on their deliveries as they set forth across the city of the angels to spread floral joy. This might include places to eat, fascinating neighborhoods, cemeteries, lone...
Read more