Tape title stories

  The Only real game      This one is from a recording of the sad farewell Babe Ruth made at Yankee Stadium August 17, 1948 with throat cancer striking out the Sultan of Swat. Timo, Greg and I used it to describe our love for baseball as "the only real game." John F. Sheehy described seeing the Babe play and described him as "he could run like a deer" despite his corpulent frame. Ruth is one of the few baseball heroes we forgave for wearing the pinstripes. We also admired the fact that the bambino ate twelve hot dogs and washed them down with eight sodas between games of a double-header. That he was rushed to the hospital with crippling indigestion is not proven but sounds great. Greg and I liked to use the term "frankfurter sandwich" when we indulged in a nice dog at home or at Bear Cove. We also knew and taught our children that under no circumstances would you ever put catsup on a hot dog. "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. You know how ba...

  Stottheimer I’ll ruin you      This is taken from our all-time favorite counter-culture comic by the supremely talented Justin Green. Binky Brown was the character we identified with as a kid trying to fit in and cope with the Catholic indoctrination we were undergoing as we matured. Binky went through all the stuff that terrified us as we grew up. He was overwhelmed by guilt as he began to feel sexual urges, he was bullied by punks who matured earlier than him and he was tormented by his attraction to girls who seemed unreachable. One of the cogent scenes in Green's comics was when Binky was teased by a big prick named Stottheimer. "Stotts" got joy out of humiliating the weaker Binky and it comes to a head in the boy's locker room. Like most boys Binky has an obsession with the development of his genitals and Stottheimer bellows at him "hey Brown, you got any hair on it yet!" This was the crucial badge of maturity to have pubic hair and the late-blooming ...

  Maybe you’ve gone and never known     From the infamous acid tape, the recorded initial psychedelic voyage taken by myself, Greg and a couple of unplanned trip-takers. I had acquired a few hits of orange sunshine LSD and was anxious to try the much discussed experience. We did almost everything wrong and dropped around 7 pm at my little rented pad on Seminole street in Lynwood. It was a small wood structure built by the landlord Alvin who often visited the garage at the back of the lot to get a snootful. As novices, Greg and I tossed back our little pellets and waited for some effect. We had not planned out anything or prepared any supplies for the trip. Of all people Johnny  Knowlton and Tom Barney showed up and wanted in on the experience. Originally it was to be a bold move by teenage Greg and me to have a test run. I had an old tape recorder and I taped the evening. The resulting acid tape is beyond embarassing but still exists. We really did not want to hang o...

You open that in here and we’ll be coming to blows      This is one of the old old South Gate stories Greg enjoyed hearing. It involved Billy Hogan and I stopping off at one of the many run-down liquor stores along Atlantic boulevard. This one was right next to King-O-Lawn and a block from  a taxidermy shop. There was a grossly obese clerk behind the counter who wheezed as he puffed a cigarette and leaned back into an upright stool on the business side of the counter. The guy looked like a heart attack waiting to happen and was one miserable son of a bitch. The  unventilated joint stunk of sour sweat and stale cigarette smoke. Billy and I had been playing basketball at the Compton College gym and wanted to wet our whistle after sweating out a quart or two. Billy grabbed a cold can of beer and was unconsciously flicking the pull tab as he waited for me to complete my transaction. These were the old can openers before they came up with the pop tops which kept the ...

  You earn it     This one dates back to Greg's teenage years when a Pizza Man franchise opened on Alexander right off Tweedy boulevard. They needed to hire lots of kids and Ed Carroll, Christine Creason, Tom Barney, Bill Hogan, and Greg were hired. Most of them were delivery drivers (hogan=captain driver) but Greg was a cook and Chris a cashier. Corporate sent a buttoned up "exec" named Perry over to check out the operation. Pizza Man was Perry's life and he was sold on the program while most of the kids he was trying to convert into believers were there to fool around with their friends and make a few bucks. Perry actually had a Pizza  Man tie tack that held his tie down on his short-sleeved white shirt. Just making conversation Greg asked Perry where he could buy such a bauble. Perry's eyes narrowed and his chest swelled as he said to the teenager "you can't buy one...you earn it!" Like rank in the military, Perry wore his tie tac as a symbol of h...

  Oh hi   Zies!      The art of story telling was elevated by Greg on this seemingly innocuous moment from Bear Cove. His telling of this story never failed to get horse-laughs from all listeners, especially Lissy and myself. It took place in the kitchen I believe but it involved the grand patriarch Roy Ziesing who was in a rather foul mood already and wanted nothing more than to be left alone to enjoy nature at his camp. Suddenly Fromml appeared, rushing into the room and announcing to her father who was facing the back porch "Cliff Collins is here to see you!" The prickly Roy, growled loudly "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!" just as old Cliff entered on the heels of Fromml with a bellowed "Oh Hi Zies!" The true hilarity of the tale was in the recreation of the voices by Greg. The gruff Roy and the doddering old Cliff with his clueless greeting. I often goaded Greg into telling this one as it delighted all those familiar with the man and the Bone scene. No one kn...

  Old zip and drive      The Old Zip and Drive refers to the great John F. Sheehy as he was described in his Cathedral High School yearbook as a member of the Phantoms football squad. John told a tale or two about the beginnings of the school that began in 1925 on grounds that had once been on or near the old Calvary Cemetery. Young Sheehy travelled to Bishops road from his family's dairy farm far away in Florence in the southeast part of LA county. John was the first and only Sheehy boy to attend Cathedral but he made his mark. As a matter of "fact" he claimed to have given the school its nickname of the Phantoms since the students were well aware of the former graveyard and some boys snuck over to the still existing crypts and smoked a butt or two hidden from the eyes of the Christian brothers at school. It delighted us as youngsters to dig out the "Cathedral Chimes" yearbook and check out the fully coiffed John with the old Zip and Drive description beneath h...

  Over our wine      This was inspired by a mutual love for the Basil Rathbone spoken word performance of Edgar Allen Poe's "the Cask of  Amontillado." The tale has so many quotable lines and dramatic expostulations that we used them repeatedly to delight each other when visiting. It became a tradition in the time frame of 1996 to Covid that I would visit Francis for an evening where we would listen to my Ipod song lists and drink red wine. It was referred to as "the Mat" as in he was putting out the welcome mat at this home.  In the beginning I would arrive around 8 and stay to 11 pm with many a hard laugh put into the vaults. Greg was always superior in catching the perfect timbre of Rathbone and this was one of his best. The moment in the story when Fortunato is lured into the damp catacombs where he will be entombed by Montressor is the circumstance of the lines  “Ha! ha! ha!–he! he!–a very good joke indeed–an excellent jest. We shall have many a r...

  Oil and gas crowd       This one comes from cousin  Kevin's bold political action volunteering for the Fred Harris presidential campaign in 1976. Kevin got a terrific piece on the campaign published as an editorial in the Los Angeles Times and also developed an imitation of the candidates speaking voice. Fred Harris was everything you would want in a public servant  and had come close to being asked to be Vice President but his brand was not widely known. Despite representing Oklahoma as a senator Harris managed to be an admirable liberal who favored the Great Society and economic democracy. Way ahead of his time Fred wanted to wrest control away from corporations and millionaires. He travelled in a recreation vehicle wth young Smith aboard to cut down on costs and was as grass roots as it gets. Fred was married to native-american LaDonna and to this day we have buttons stating "LaDonna for First Lady." Kevin would repeat the phrase from Fred's speeches a...

  Negative…going into the Hudson      Is actually a misquote I repeated about the great airline pilot "Sully" Sullenberger who Greg and I admired greatly. Keeping his cool in the most dire circumstances. His actions saved 155 lives and the time was just 208 seconds to react to potential disaster The actual transcript reads First:  We’re unable. We may end up in the Hudson. seconds later when there are no other options... Sullenberger (15:29:25): We can’t do it. Sullenberger (15:29:26): Go ahead, try number one. Departure control (15:29:27): Kay which runway would you like at Teterboro? Flight Warning Computer (15:29:27): (Sound of continuous repetitive chime for 9.6 seconds.) Sullenberger (15:29:28): We’re gonna be in the Hudson. Departure control (15:29:33): I’m sorry say again Cactus? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Greg and I would use this phrase to express ouir actions when we were dead set on doing somet...

  Hayo or Heyo     Hayo is a common interjection that was adopted by those around the South Gate crowd. It is a word like fuck or dude that can be used in many kinds of situations. Mostly, in response to an embarassing moment or a completely foolish action recalled by the teller of a story. It stems from the Johnny Carson show where sidekick Ed McMahon would shout HAYO! as a sort of vocal substitution for a drumroll or response to clueless social awkwardness. Yet, like dude or fuck it depended on the intonation of the word that would make it meaningful. i.e.  guy wasn't getting much response from girl he had a crush on so he asked her if she was a lesbian...HAYO! The word entered the vernacular in the mid-1960's and worked perfectly in stories told by the likes of Greg, Bob, Timo, Kevin and myself. HAYO!

  Lombardi’s coming to the Rams         As long-time frustrated  Ram fans we searched for that magic pill that might get our team to the top of the NFL. We had come close with Gabe and the fearsome foursome and within a yard with Coach George Allen and his band of broken toys. By early 1970 Ram ownership had lost patience with the  intransigent head  man and he left to coach the Redskins after the blue and white failed to overtake the Vikings even with MVP Gabe under center. Los Angeles was looking up at the Minnesota Vikings (who were upset in the Super Bowl) and sought to hire the best coach in the land for the 1970 season. Consensus was that the greatest of all, Vince Lombardi was floundering in Washington for his one odd year away from his legendary Packers and might bolt if money talked to him. Jack had done a bit of day drinking at the Stardust in Downey and came  home full of beer and a story that the great Lombardi was set to sign wit...

  Go down and let Ron clean you up     This is another BCism and it came to mean almost any personal grooming situation that arose in our lives after the 1970's. The full quote was " Glen you've had a nice vacation but now I want you to go down and let Ron clean you up." This was all a part of the long hair war that raged after I left my job as salesman at Van Waters and Rogers Scientific Equipment company in the City of Commerce. I refused to cut my hair much to the chagrin of a father who valued men's grooming highly. BC would only allow my brother and I to have our hair cut at the expert barbers of "Howard James Barbershop" in Long Beach. He turned his nose up at Red's barbershop on Tweedy or any of the common tonsorial establishments in the Southeast. When you visited Howard James and then later Ron's there was big band music on the radio and the smell of aftershave in the air. They cut hair the old fashioned men's way with hot towels, st...

  You've come a long way baby      One of the truly great stories Greg would tell  was word for word pure literature. He recalled a speech given by the intense Father John R. Alvarez who was a beloved teacher at Pius. Alvarez was an odd bird who entered the priesthood after being a grown man with experience in the U.S. Navy. He was rather handsome and mysteriously drove a new Buick every year. The good Father was also a huge sports fan, even coaching lower levels of basketball. Alvarez, like most Catholics from the era was vehemently anti-communist. The nuns and priests insisted that commies were out to destroy the family and religion. Greg had Alvarez for homeroon and I had  him for Religion class a few years earlier. You had to like the teacher who never gave assignments, never taught from a book but just told stories or talked sports for the time in our classrooms. Before we knew any better there was genuine affection for Father Alvarez. We learned almos...

  Guy can’t stand a little shit stink     This one was often used to describe a person who was squeamish about bodily functions. Greg was home witih his Dad when John visited the bathroom for a sitdown that  proved odoriferous. Jack, then working fairly nearby popped in for lunch of Franco-American spaghetti and complained loudly about the lingering stench in the house. Finally, after the entitled older son finished lunch and left,  The unjustly chastened John said to Greg "guy can't stand a little shit stink?" It was at once the essence of the earthy side of the practical depression survivor who suffered through things much worse than a temporary bad odor, especially one he produced himself. I used it on Greg himself when I was the culprit.

  Michael,  got any bush rolled?      Another Palm Desert experience with the unpredictable cousin Evan who was living without brakes at this point in time. Visitors (Glen and Kevin) had come to see Greg and Michael at the date orchard pad where Evan lived and the plan was to hang out, smoke out and have a barbecue dinner before heading back home. Evan was impossible to push in any direction and when he finally came home somewhat impaired we feared household chaos and we were right. We were ready to eat at 6 pm but Evan's first question was "Michael got any bush rolled?!" This meant a side road where dinner might never happen and that was only partially true. It was like Lord Buckley said "they were so hungry...they would eat a caterpillar sandwich like it was ham and eggs!" Evan was operating on his own clock which did not coincide with the now famished fellas and by the time BBQ  chicken, noodles alfredo and a few shredded lettuce leaves were placed on pl...

  Glen did you buy...     Greg always enjoyed this story involving my short stint as heir apparent to my father's ticket brokerage. BC as he was known had successfully operated a small business selling sporting event and theater tickets for seventeen years out of his offices at 3809 Vermont and 538 and 518 Santa Barbara. I had been rightfully fired from my job at UCLA and he was rescuing me from unemployment. I never had the balls or thick skin to be a ticket broker but I gave it a try. It was the weekend of a big Monday night football game between the Rams and the legendary 1975 Pitttsburgh Steelers of the Terry Bradshaw- Jack Lambert era. December 20 was last regular season game at the Coliseum across the street from the office. The same  double yoy  Steelers went on to win Super Bowl X with the heroics provided by USC great Lynn Swann. Since it was a meaningless game to the Pittsburgh brutes BC did not stock a huge amount of tickets but it was a big big game ...

  Folding shoppers      One of Greg's early attempts at employment was folding shoppers that were just like an old version of junk mail full of ads for businesses in the South Gate and Lynwood areas. Kids arrived on bikes after school and  were sat down in front of bales of these things wrapped in wire secured bundles. As the boys feverishly attacked the bundles they tossed the wires over their shoulders and then folded the newspaper section-like shoppers and tossed them into a truck bed. The kids got paid by the wire and the scene was chaotic and subject to bullying by bigger punks who might grab a few of your wires and claim them as their own. It was an early lesson in the rigors of free enterprise and the brutality of children toward their weaker peers. Greg saw raw capitalism from an early age.

  Glen don’t shoot     This is holiday themed and stems from a Christmas eve back in 1980 or 1981. It was a Gate tradition to gather at Shighela and Nigel White's house (Niall's mom and dad) on Walnut ave. on the other side of Tweedy. There, Irish coffee's flowed and at midnight a large contingent went to mass at St. Helen's then returned for more festivities. As we were still in the stay up late drinking mode, sometimes yule spirits became a little overwrought. I was living on close-by Virginia street and rode home somewhat tipsy but tired from my own family's celebration plus the White's party. After I had drifted off to sleep there was some ruckus in the front of my house but I ignored it until I could hear someone crawling through a window in the front room. I then heard the slurred voice of Kevin Smith shouting "GLEN...DON'T SHOOT!!" It was after 2 am and Greg and his cousin"s reason was clouded by the Irish coffees and the two sots wante...

  Come on fellas…let’s have another Schlitz        This was a commercial from the 1960's when the colorful Leo "the Lip" Durocher was sitting around with a group of cool guys looking chipper. Leo was banned from baseball for a year in 1947. He was accused of "an accumulation of unpleasant incidents." that was actually running around and boozing with gamblers and New York swells. Leo had stood up for Jackie Robinson and Jackie lead to Dodgers to the NL pennant. Leo had been managers for several teams but at this point he was a coach for the LA Dodgers and was just trying to sleep with as many starlets as possible. Greg liked to get up from his chair and briskly do his imitation of Leo saying to us "Come on fellas...let's have another Schlitz!" 

  Chavez’s idiots     This one stems from Greg hitching a ride with his elderlyAunt Edith heading north and included spending a night in a motel resting up for the long ride ahead. Edith was a fairly typical old white lady who did not trust this love and peace stuff that was becoming the fashion with young people. Greg on the other hand was woke before there was such a word but he was also polite and did not try to preach such pinko sentiments to his elders. As they motored through the California delta they passed a crowd of picketing farm-workers who were trying to get some justice by organizing a sorely needed union. This was a movement started by the incredibly brave Cesar Chavez who was hated by the white establishment because he was threatening the status quo and white supremacy entrenched all over the country. These protestors were risking life and limb with farmers shooting at them and attacking the organizers who were wrongly called communists. As Greg drove, his ...

  California brute     This goes way back to a family road trip taken by the Sheehy's. Driving in Oregon John became involved in a road rage situation with some local hoods who took umbrage at his motoring in their town. Greg was mortified after they shouted something about the California license plates and calling his Dad "you California brute!" The enfuriated father muttered "I'll show you what we do to punks like you in California!" However, being Grace was in the car, no fisticuffs ensued and only Greg's embarassment remained. 

  Brutal isn’t it     An example of two of Greg's best qualities. He and Lissy had gone to see a performance of his idols Rogers and Hammerstein's "Carousel" where he was predictably moved by the evergreen musical. The truly tear jerking finale of the "You'll Never Walk Alone" left him swelling with emotion. As he was heading out of the row Greg came upon an older man mopping his eyes and nose after the powerful sentiment of the final chorus. He clapped his hand onto the man's shoulder in solidarity and said "brutal isn't it" and the man nodded in the affirmative. Greg talked about this joining of humanity through music as a fine moment brought on by an appreciation of the arts.

  Billy’s Sausages      This was an actual CD made for the Ziesing patriarch Robert "Roy" Ziesing who was diagnosed with macular degeneration and was losing his eyesight. The sisters wanted to get him an Ipod mini and fill it with music. I volunteered to fill up some CDs but as it turned out when loaded into the mini the songs were only shown by numbers and not titles. So no one could tell what song was where. The great Ipod mini therapeutic endeavor was a failure. The CDs lived on and the contents focusing on vocal performances continued to be pleasing to Greg.      However; all the mix titles for Roy (I use the title with respect) were drawn from Bone experiences. Billy's was the favorite small market nearby with a very good butcher shop inside. Billy offered fresh pork sausages that were the center piece of Greg and my "bonacker breakfasts" in camp. In the early morning newspaper run Greg would pick up a pound of said sausages much to my delight. Li...

  Anything to keep from working      This one goes back a generation to John Sheehy, the father of many wonderful stories and ideas. One of his theories was that some people would do anything to keep from doing an honest days work. This would include professional animal trainers, hucksters, actors, preachers and street musicians among many others. John cited this as the prime motivation of the human condition. Freud said it was sex, Jung said it was power, Adlers said it was goal oriented work and Sheehy said it was the urge to keep from working. Greg loved to cite this when seeing any form of phoniness and sham. He would also bellow that John Wayne or Donald Trump NEVER DID A DAY'S WORK IN HIS LIFE!!" We once had a tiff when he spoke harshly of Vin Scully and I had to stop him right there.

  Anybody Seen Mosquito? This is a total non-sequiter line we used to say to each other for no reason. It comes from one of the great Hog's Hoedowns that were new years eve parties at Bill Hogan's parents house. Dave and Mae Hogan often left Bowman ave for out of town trips on the eve and Bill took the opportunity to turn the normally spotless house into a party zone for a bunch of drunken kids. Many stories and lines came out of the hoedowns and this was kind of a throw away. It was a year when some younger revelers managed to wheedle their way into the action uninvited. Some of the old veteranos were sitting in the front room smoking cigs when an inebriated teenage kid stumbled into the room and blurted out the question "anybody seen mosquito?" The aforementioned mosquito was actually the younger brother of the brilliant and future big time lawyer Richard Moskitis who was a friend of Ed Carroll. The group of younger fellas like Ed and Greg were included with the old...

  Alright Mister Brian...       This is a story of the embarassment of youngsters caused by overzealous and over served parents. It comes from our Bobcat whose respected and loved Dad came to one of his Little League games after a few pops on a day off . Jim did not like the way the coach was using the boy and let him know it after a game. As Bob sheepishly followd his Dad toward a car, the coach said the dreaded lines "alright Mr. Brian, I'll talk to you when you are sober." Bob is bummed by the event but over the years the line came to be used to respond to any questionable statement made by a person who was in his cups.

  All the glamor of Hollywood      This one goes back to about 1973 when Zeke and I had a cool apartment at Veteran and Ohio where we escaped when the Midvale experiment came to an end. The place had a set of carpeted stairs from the front door to our second story pad and guests had to be let in from the ground floor.. The front room was filled  with Value Village furniture and the area was a meeting place for pot smoking and community TV watching. Sunday nights were set aside for Alistair Cooke's America that was never missed.  Greg was a regular and the occasion here was the Academy Awards of that year that was all about the Godfather and Cabaret. Guests were set to arrive early so I remembered an old Summer suit I had worn years before but split the seat out of when I filled out in my 20's. I put the suit on to give the evening a glamorous tone and neglected to wear any underpants under the suit that left a sizeable breezeway at the seat of the britches....

  Wet towel for Vince      Greg transferrred to Pius in his sophomore year and to prove his manhood he went out for JV football. He really had not played much football but was athletic and liked to watch the game. In his first practice he got steamrolled brutally by a muscular kid who liked contact. Greg realized he did not have a lust for contact. Yet, he could not quit and despite playing very little he stuck it out. After one practice during the early stages of the rigorous preparations for gridiron battles ahead he slumped, utterly exhausted on a bench outside the field to catch his breath and blink away the sweat dripping down his face. At that moment, the venerable old coach Ray Heideman trotted up behind him and placed a wet towel onto the boys neck and said something like "atta boy Vince?" Despite being called by the wrong name Greg was touched by the one-eyed coach's kindness and got a lump in his throat. He also began counting the number in his head of the ...